what do you want to be when you grow up?

so there's this movie called Horrible Bosses.
have you heard of it?

it's really good.
i laugh every time i watch it.. works wonders when i get period cramps.
heh..
but that's not my point.

one of the characters in the show.. he said, "When I grow up, I only had one wish.. and that was to be a husband."

now.
why do i ask what do you want to be when you grow up?
technically, at what age are we considered.. grown up?

i'm 25 this year.
that's a quarter of a century.

i have no house.
i have not much savings.

so.

wait.

i'm drifting away from my point.
.
.
.
.
.
.

sometimes i tell myself.
dammit, why can't i just be some superstar blogger and earn money off my blog.
then i will have this burning passion to post about shit for a day..
then i will actually forget that i have a blog the very next day.

sigh.

so i sometimes wished i had the ballz to become a YouTuber.
like damn, make videos, people will watch and you get to be a YouTube partner if you're big enough..
then again, i aint got the ballz to act and video and vlog and all that stuff..
it sounds harder than trying to produce 3D visuals for my clients.

most of you know..
i'm an interior designer.
i work from 10am to 12am.. sometimes.
most days i work from 10am to 9pm..
really depends on the urgency of a project.

i love my job.
i do.

today i was just casually telling my mom, "Oh, my friend's going to Thailand this month! His company trip.. He said he must go before he quits his job."
My mom said, "That's nice.. But why so kiasu?"
i told her, "His company very cham wan.. Have to work like cow and then can't handle project alone.. They only allow you to do 2D and then can't do 3D.. How to practice wor?"

she then said, "Wah, so cham wan ar.."
i replied, "YEAH.. our line damn pathetic wan.. gotta work so hard but the pay so.. so-so.."
she said, "Aish.. So you're considered very blessed already."
to which i replied, "Yes.. I'm very happy with my job.. and my work.. i get to go in late, dont really have to earn a company trip.. freedom at work.. bonus.. But Alex did say, cannot stay in your comfort zone for too long.."

then she answered, "But why not? If God did not ask you to close the door, why would you do it?"
to which i felt.. hey, that's true.
she then gave me another definition of COMFORT ZONE.

honestly, i did think once or twice that i might need a change of environment.. then i will think, but i'll never be able to find such good bosses anymore.

then it lead me to..
do i really wanna do this ID thing FOREVER?
i was telling Princess Jasmine that if my kid would wanna be an interior designer next time..
i think i will ask them to reconsider it.
when i applied for this course, i had NO one to tell me what it really was about.
how much of coordination we needed.

many people think ID, all the do is shift furniture, paint some walls and hang up a picture.
oh, it's is MORE than this.
but unfortunately, i wasn't expose to what it really was.
i thought all i had to do was play the Sims everyday.
hahahahahahaha..

oh well.
i've taken this path, i do love it.

actually i just have one point here..
WHEN DO WE SERIOUSLY GROW UP TO TELL THE WORLD, "When I grow up.. I want to be a.."

to me, i don't think that time will come.. cuz we change our decisions as we grow older.
today i want to be a blogger, tmrw a vlogger, the week after a superstar and then a month later a writer.

hahaha..
but an idea for a blog has been boggling in my mind for AGES.
i might just start it when i've collected enough materials.
we'll see which door God decides to open for me next. :)

do you know where you're gonna go when you die?

sooooo, lately my mom has been telling me about this book called Driven by Eternity.
it's about.. well, GOD.

what really hit me was, "Everything we have now, on earth, is temporary. After we die, all these are NOTHING to us.. but when we die, it's gonna be for eternity. When we die, God will ask us for our stewardship and what we have done on earth will be judged." my mom said.

ok. i trembled.

hello. it's for ETERNITY.
it's either you're gonna suffer in the Lake of Fire for ETERNITY = NEVER ENDING or you're gonna enjoy the great life with Jesus in heaven.

i'm not a very religious person.
to be honest, i take God for granted on most days.

but lately, i began reading that book.
it's really scary at first.
but, slowly, i managed to grasped what it means.
i havent finished reading it yet, but.. it's very very mind boggling.

the most frequent question that kept popping out in my head was, "DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GONNA GO WHEN YOU DIE?"

most people, hate to to talk about religion.
they HATE it.
they detest it.
they shove it.
they tell me, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD.
i feel sad for them.

how can they NOT see what God has placed or done in their lives?

and i see some who say YES I BELIEVE IN GOD, BUT...
there's always a BUT.

i'm not a bible reference person.
heck, i can't even remember most of the books of the bible.
but i do believe in God.
i used to be very skeptical about a few people talking bad about Christians.

but i always had no words to defend.
such a failure. -.-

but today, when you tell me you don't believe in God.. i'd tell you, you're in denial.
you'd prolly protest by giving me a million reasons to why you do not believe in the existence of God.
but it's ok. we all know somewhere deep down in your heart, you do believe in God.

my mom told me, "When one is healthy, strong and well.. they will say they don't believe in ghost, they don't believe in God, they don't believe in ANYTHING related to God or religion.. but when you meet them again on their death bed.. it's a whole different story. EVERYONE will be afraid when they die."

hmm, could it be true?
so, maybe you wanna ask yourself, WHERE AM I GONNA GO, WHEN I DIE?

READ THE BOOK, you have NOTHING to lose.. right?

i'm still alive.

hello.

i'm still alive.
lots been going on.
got a post about my Indo trip but i havent had time to seriously put it into fancy-schmancy words.

GE's coming.
pretty excited.
first time voting! woot!

work's been hectic.
i've been given more responsibilities and tasks.
i can't do it on my own.
God's been here every step of the way.
He's the only reason why i have not given up.

everything else's the same though.

oh, i also like Coffee Bean more than Starbucks now.

yeah.
ok. bye.

this may sound stupid.. but..

so, today.. is like any other day.
work.
and all that.. stuff about life.

then.. i wondered.
how do we measure how blessed we actually are?

like..

hmm.
how do i put this?

i wake up every morning, snoozing my alarm.
asking God why wasn't i born in a rich and wealthy family?
why do i have to work?
and all those questions all we regular people ask every time we're lazy to move our asses.
then i also thank God, because i have a job, that means i have money coming in.
which also means, i am being independent.
which also means, my family IS rich, rich with good character and up bringing.
and i go to work happily because for one, i really do love my job.
and also, i get to wake up to home made breakfast EVERYDAY.
i really do look forward for breakfast everyday!

then i reach the office and start my weekly routine.
first to arrive, open the doors, start the servers and update myself with the projects on hand.
then i have to read emails from fussy clients who try to teach me how to do my job.
sometimes i get list of TO-DO things from my bosses if they're away or when i'm away..
so i start asking God again, WHY do i have to deal with these people?
why can't they just leave me alone?
why can't they just trust me?
why can't they let me design it as how i think it should be?
then i also thank God, for putting me there so i can learn..
which also means, i am growing.. painfully.. but hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
which also means, i'm getting trained to deal with people.
which is also one of the goals to achieve : meet and deal with different people.

then during office hours, we don't talk much.
colleagues are all very quiet people.
i am too.
cuz i guess we're given so much freedom, we feel bad if we talk too much.
but it's kinda too quiet..
then i ask GOD, how come i always have to start the conversations?
whyyyyyyyyy can't they start a silly topic?
it always looks like i'm trying TOO hard to keep the conversation rolling.
and i always have to brainstorm new topics cuz usually we only talk about Running Man and movies.
oh, and, the most difficult question everyday will be WHAT TO EAT?
*SIGH*
but I guess I thank God again..
i am able to push myself out of my comfort zone of being just a listener, i'm not able to start conversations with people i'm not close with.
it's not easy, but at least there's some what a little progress.

after a long day of work, i am either STILL working at the office.. or at some meeting somewhere..
or at home, having dinner.
i'm glad, i have no questions for God here.
cuz i have my parents who will ask me to come home for home cooked dinner and nice soup.
they also tell me to dont work till so late.
ah, my beloved parents.
i am afraid too.
time is ticking.
i'm getting older..
and so are they.
i dread the day..
when i have to deal.. with the world.. all.. on my own.
i cant even think about it without tears emerging from my eye sockets.
i really can't.
i can only thank Him, for keeping them here for another day.. everyday.

the whole idea of this post is..
to find a good in every bad situation.
easier said than done.
been there, done that.

but i honestly feel, the faster we choose to look on the bright side, the faster we get through any situation.
choice..
what an important word.

Run, oppa, run!

2013 has been pretty great so far.
everything's running alright.
been watching A LOT of Running Man lately cuz colleagues been talking about it and i've been missing A WHOLE LOT of episodes.. >.< just have too many sitcoms to catch up with.

in another 14 days i'll be leaving for Surabaya.
today i asked Boss2 about hiking shoes.
decided to NOT get hiking shoes cuz boss says they're the same and it all depends how you put your foot down.. so best is to put the whole sole on to the ground and not tip toe.

nope, i still have NOT started running.

yes. i promise to start tmrw.

over lunch yesterday, bosses asked each other what was our goal for this year.
my goal for 2013 is to lose 5kg.
fair enough?

:)

Boss1 and colleague has decided to support me by challenging ourselves to take part in the Penang Marathon.
i went online to check..
the half marathon is 21km. 3.5 hours.
full is 42km about 7 hours.
there's also a FUN marathon.. which is 10km. about 1.5 hours.
yes, sounds reasonable.

so, tmrw i promise myself I MUST get up and at least jog 2 rounds around the park behind my house..
it's a really small park.. with loads of dog poop cuz the owners couldn't be arsed to pick up after their fluffy furry children.

today over lunch we talked bout our comfort zones.
i told them i am not a nature person, i don't like camping and i really don't like the fact there's NO toilet with proper bathing places.

and of course, pooping areas.

but this year i decided to step OUT from the comfort zones.
mountain hiking? seriously? my mother will never believe me until i actually go and come back alive.
Boss 2 said GOOD.
so he said to Boss 3, "How about you? When are YOU gonna step out from your comfort zone?"
Boss3 said, "I lost it the moment i started dating.. What comfort zone? You only can say it so freely is because you're free and single.. Live like a king now and you will die like a dog.."
i laughed.

i really didnt know how that linked up..
but damn.. i'm easily amused.

i've learnt a lot..
they said since i've no commitments now.. i should learn everything i want to learn and do everything i wanna do.. no house loans, no boyfriends, no big commitments.. it's a good time to save up and just do what i want..

which i believe is.. quite true..
since i'm not tied down to anything..
haha..

cuz they said once the dating starts, the house loan begins, all these will just become a what if..

so, live well and live for yourself.. before you make someone else an excuse to live for.

pimple popping.

it's that time again.
the beginning.
the January.
the start of every new year.

but how come it doesnt really feel like January?

it feels more like we're back to work after a LONG holiday.
(and that holiday was just ONE day.)

i spent my Christmas at Singapore.
it was lovely.
my aunt and uncle cooked us an awesome Christmas spread.
we had lotsa food, wine, fun and laughter.

i had a blast.
then again, it wasn't the same cuz my cousin didnt come along.
*sigh*

it was just me.
it also didnt seem very HAPPENING for me.
i didnt go out till late cuz usually my cousin and i will plan where to go till late at night.
didnt do much photography cuz usually my cousin and i will try out diff angles with our cameras.
didnt go to the places i usually go cuz usually my cousin and i will pretend to be super tourist.

i went to Chinatown to get pork cheeks for my aunt and cousin which i later found out was discontinued, Orchard to check out the Christmas decos and check out our fave shop in Orchard Central which apparently friggin closed down and Jurong to get shoes which succeeded.

oh, also to Simei to visit another aunt from my dad's side to pass her some presents for my little nieces and nephews.

i'm very blessed.
2012 was an amazing year for me.
i had 2 salary raises, a good company trip, got a new car, bought lotsa air tickets for 2013, spent A LOT on food and concerts, went for David Choi and Big Bang, managed to save money, had lotsa fun and got new interests.

still single.
not problem.
though i do NOT know why it's bugging my brother.. mostly.

pimples popping everywhere on my face.
BIG problem.
needa solve it asap.

the goal this year is to lessen the swearing when i drive and to learn to cook/bake.
of course, travelling is always in the picture.
just this year, less SG and more other places.

coming up is Surabaya and Yogyakarta, in another 22 days!
3 weeks.
havent trained.
bought insurance, no worries.
if i die, everything i have still belongs to my parents.
though not that much.. but oh well.

Bangkok in March.
Korea in October.

i am SO excited.

2013 is gonna be awesome.
i can feel it. :)

last but not least,
happy new year, babehs.

lets hope this isn't the only post for 2013, ya!

SO, WHAT'S NEXT?

today i thought about..
a very sad thought..

the thought of my parents not being here with me anymore.
my heart broke.

it will always break whenever i think about this..
i came home from the BBQ party at a friend's place..

opened my whatsapp, and saw my aunt sent me videos of my cousin singing.
i laughed.

then my mom said, "Has she learnt the song, "SOMEWHERE OUT THERE"."
my aunt said, "Yes, it was one of the first few songs my cousin learnt on her own."

then my mom said, "If i were to leave one day, please ask her to sing that."
i cried.

i can't believe it.
my mom is already choosing her funeral songs?!

i felt so bad.
cuz i know my mom has been playing that song on and on and on again and again.
she kept telling me how much she really loves this song.
i didnt really expect her to actually want to play it at her funeral.

great.
water works happening again.

my parents raised me well.
my mom taught me to be a more perspective person, happiness will always be a choice and God will always be my refuge.
my dad taught me not to take shit from anyone, hardwork is the ONLY way out of a hard life and girls are meant to be spoilt.

my parents never gave us branded clothing, toys or things.
to them, education is the best present.
they never let us go to bed hungry.
they never let us go out with a fever.
we can go on holidays every year.

my parents are not from rich backgrounds.
my dad.. is probably the most respected uncle by my other cousins.
he's hilarious and also over protective over them.

my heart breaks whenever i see him walking in pain.
i hardly see him now..
especially year end since it's the busiest period for me.

when i had my stupid accident last Sunday, i cried not cuz my car is dent..
but cuz i knew my dad was gonna have to go to the workshop to get it fixed.
he says it's no big deal.
but to me, it's gonna be so troublesome for him..
i blame my own stupidity.

now, i have this aching pain in my left butt cheek..
as funny as it may sound cuz it's on my ass..
but my mom had the same symptoms before she was diagnosed with slip disc and wasnt able to walk for a few weeks..
she had to go for therapy every day for an hour.. i know cuz i was the one who drove her there, waited for her and accompanied her..

i dont want my parents to go through the trouble again.
i'm praying i won't get the same thing.. cuz i know bad backbones and aches is in the genes..
but my God is also an almighty God.
He is mighty to save.. and MIGHTY to heal.
cuz in the bible it says, "By His stripes, I am healed."

i know i should've gotten myself checked weeks ago..
but i thought i just ter-twisted smth and it will go away..
but it didnt.

just praying for the best.

2012 is coming to an end.
2013 my goal is to handle one project on my own from the beginning to the end.
it's scary cuz i really don't know the entire process.
but i want to try.

i want my money to grow and my career to go up the ladder..
right now, it's kinda stagnant.

i'm thinking of changing environments, but i'm also afraid it's not time yet.

this is the last time..

this is the last time you're telling me i've got it wrong.

it has been a pretty..
slow month.
it's only the 13th today.
it's Deepavali.
woot!

well, not much.. since.. i dont have that many Indian friends.

2 Broke Girls is my latest fave tv show.
:)

Cathy, Suzy and I had a marathon of 2BG yesterday till 1am at Suzy's place..
we then watched Big Bang parodies on Youtube.

my dream journal is at it's 18th entry today.

there're 2 public holidays this week.
so, only 3 working days this week.

we're gonna go to the beach on Thursday..
provided it doesnt rain on our parade.

 

 this is how it looked like the last time we were there.

super sad.

 this is what i did all day the last time we were there.

this is how me and the whale looked like the last time we were there.

nothing much has changed today.

shark week

that's right.
shark week is happening right naooooo..

i'm bleeding.

dreams

just took part in a notebook project organised by Tan Seoh Hun.
who's she?
one of the most critical thinking people i know so far..

anyways,
the notebook project is a one day, one page journal thing.
the topic is about dreams.
we're allowed to do ANYTHING for the journal, in any form, of any style, of any kind.
it can be written, painted, sketched, or whatever..
as long the entries are related to dreams.

what are your dreams?
how to achieve?
when?
what represents them?
what makes you want to achieve them?

those kinda things.
anything.

i'm on the 3rd entry so far.
the last day is the 24th of Nov.
if this project goes viral,
i'll be pretty damn proud of it.

goodnight.

oh, Big Bang concert, WAS FREAKINGTASTIC.
i loved it.

and now, i want my bed. toodles.